what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
