You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
