Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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