iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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