I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
