What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize