Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
