If i come over, it means nothing
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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