Rock
Scissors
Fuck
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
