Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
