My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
