Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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