READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I deserve this hangover.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
