It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize