Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
