If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize