I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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