I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
