I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i just wanna soil my oats bro
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
