i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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