So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
