So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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