I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
