i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
