I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
