belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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