Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
