just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
