One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize