Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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