Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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