I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
