So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
