Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
