i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
