We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
