I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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