Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
