you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
