I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
My dick has a subreddit
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
