What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
