dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize