i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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