matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
