I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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