I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
