I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize