hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
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