she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
zippers are such a cool invention
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
