she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize