They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
