You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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