I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
