I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
