This dress was meant to end up on your floor
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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