I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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