Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
