I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
