i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
