I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
