oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
