Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
