I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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