Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
