found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
