I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
