Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
